Monday, May 5, 2014

Understanding Me the 'INFJ' Enigma

I did the Jung personality test on myself yesterday and then did it again on a different web site and both times I got INFJ "Strength of individual traits: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging, Turbulent".  From what I have researched (I am an obsessive researcher which I notice is a trait of the INFJ personality type) that only 1%-3% of people in the world are INFJ's. So it is no wonder people do not 'get' me and even I often do not 'get' me.

I am and always have been an enigma (a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand) even to myself.

True to INFJ personality, I was super introverted as a child I was terrified to go anywhere by myself without someone with me to 'protect' me. Perhaps part of this comes from me also being an intuitive/empath and not realizing and therefore not understanding this and as a result not being able to control or block the energy of others around me. Of course as a natural progression in order to protect ourselves, we grow and learn as we get older and I have 'trained' myself how to be okay being around people I do not know and going into unfamiliar places, I can go out by myself and take care of what needs to be taken care of without needing to have someone 'hold my hand'.  However even after 50 years of life and 35 years of personal conditioning and training I still have that little bit of panic inside whenever I have to do something without someone by my side to 'protect' me. Protect me from what? I am not exactly sure, I can not articulate it to myself so therefore can not articulate it to you, however if you feel it too you know what I mean. Perhaps it is that I can naturally 'draw' the familiar energy of the person I am with around myself, thus protecting myself from being overwhelmed by the energy of those I do not know and am unfamiliar with.

This personality type can be seen as an extroverted due to their warm and caring nature.
I do love people, however I like to be around people under my own terms and conditions. When I am working at my business which I own and am comfortable in I have no problem interacting with people I do not know, who come in to speak with me.  If I have to go somewhere I have never been where I will not know anyone I am very shy, much quieter and reserved. I would rather go somewhere familiar than anywhere new, be it a public or private place, a restaurant, a store, a persons home,  I have never gone to before.  I still have to 'force' myself to go into places I have never been before. Over time these places and people become familiar and it gets easier to go back the more times I go. Couple my natural tendency to be introverted with overwhelming intuition and empathic feeling, and I begin to understand why I have the difficulty I have in relating and being comfortable in the world.

I have not always been able to understand how my strong empathic and intuitive feelings effect me.  Now that I have taken proactive forward steps to understand empathy and intuition I wonder why I did not do it sooner.  I look back at the 50 years that have passed and think that this point in my life can easily be only the mid point of my life here and when I look to the future and the next 50 years, I am excited to think of all I can accomplish and the spiritual growth I will be able to make in this time.

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