Friday, May 23, 2014

Chaos makes me stronger

Some days I feel creatively drained. My mind is blank. It is frustrating when something you are good at seems to have abandoned you. I love to write. I am good at it. Usually.....

The last couple of days every time I sit down to try and write I am not sure what I want to say. My ego has been out of the closet more often than usual with his angry attitude and rude comments. So all I want to do is write about negative things.

I guess if I was a professional writer it would be called writers block. I imagine it happens in all areas, perhaps it is my spirit guides letting me know I need to turn my attention to other things in my life at the moment. And in the overload that is my life my Ego has stepped forward in self preservation, in his never ending in your face pushy way,  to save me from my dangerous life.

Yes I guess I have a lot going on right now. We are moving to a new house in a week & renovating a room at the shop (New paint and flooring), on top of all the regular things we have to do everyday. Plus it is spring and nice out and we want to get as much quiet time at the motorhome at our summer spot as possible. We have to drive and pick up some furniture we are purchasing for our new house today after work. Tomorrow we want to go out and spend a couple days at the summer spot. We still have to pack next week because we move on Thursday. We want to put flooring down in the remodelled room at the shop, while working in between remodelling AND next weekend I have booked myself into a Goddess Spiritual Retreat starting on Friday so we have to have all this done by next Friday. Haha no pressure.

So it stands to reason I am feeling a bit disconnected. And as a result Ego is out of the closet in full regalia cheering me on, and speaking through my mouth with his unique angry snarky tone. I can see him in my mind excitedly and happily dancing around while throwing out rude comments about everything like a demented little leprechaun.   I have to gently, or non to gently if needed, relegate him back to his supporting role in the back seat to do what he is supposed to do and wait for a 'real' life threatening situation to come forward to help me out with.

So I ground myself, ask my spirit guides and guardian angels for strength to focus on one minute, one hour, one day at a time until I have once again worked my way out of the craziness I have orchestrated for myself and have a chance to breath a sigh and relax. Of course I realize I obviously Love the craziness and chaos I create in my life because I do it over and over and over again. Is it a good thing? I do not know. However what does not kill me makes me stronger and I do love the sense of accomplishment I get from surviving and conquering the chaos when it is all said and done. I will add it to the list of things I want to take some time to sit down, and meditate on it when I get a free minute later on.

Huh in hindsight I guess I do have something positive to write. Thank you my spirit guides.

Lesson learned: 
Open your mind and let you spirit guides help you and they are always there to do so!

Todays Affirmation:

Today I will be calm and focused even in the centre of chaos. 

Love and Light

Saturday, May 17, 2014


I did one of those online quizzes this one was called "What do people like about you?"
It warned me: You might be in for a surprise.

It had 10 generic questions. 
What would you miss the most after not having a week? -Car -TV -Computer -Phone
How often do you find yourself angry at someone? -Almost Always -Almost Never -Rarely -Sometimes
Pick a board game -Chess -Checkers -Backgammon. 
What is the best gift you can receive? -Box of treats -Hugs -kisses -Flowers
and so on.........

Well after being forewarned I might be surprised at the answer, much to my surprise I got this:
You're a blissy-type. Happiness, euphoria, and rapture describe your personality well. You have a contagiously optimistic outlook on life, and deep down you truly and honestly believe that things will get better. Precisely because of this natural elation you have, reality always aligns itself to give you the best that it offers.

WOW ....... Woo Hoo!!

This after I honestly answered I feel like I am almost always angry at someone, and that the best gift I could get was a Box of Treats (which I promptly felt was a selfish answer even though it was a truthful answer).  Huh go figure. Well needless to say I am going to take this one and run with it. I never figured myself to be the blissy-type before. Incidentally I also took the test and answered the opposite of what I would answer and the thing I got was a 'Smile' so not everyone gets the same thing. 

Okay so the question is really what is bliss? Because it is one of those words that sounds really really hard to attain. 

Bliss: is a stage which is above any emotional state that is characterized as peace or happiness (feelings of enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction).

Okay so that does not sound so intimidating to achieve. All I have to do is be in an emotional state of happiness and peace, which is the place in my head where I am feeling enjoyment, pleasure and satisfaction. Looking at it this way I find this is something easily attainable.

This truly is my goal in life, like really who would not want to be happy, euphoric, and rapturous? What great words to strive for in my life. So I ask myself do I already have an optimistic outlook on life? Do I truly believe deep down that things will get better? Is reality aligning itself with me to give me the best it has to offer?

I am choosing to believe that my guides are sending me a message with this random little test, that I am on the right track. That all the affirmations, conscious setting forth of intent, meditating, positive energy and believing I will receive all that I desire is working for me. I am achieving the optimistic outlook on life I want. I do believe things will get better and I do know that reality aligns itself to my desires. My life is on the right track and I am creating a positive reality for myself! 

(shut up and go back to your closet Ego!

It can be hard to be positive and believe that all of my efforts are reaping positive results in my life when Ego is constantly trying to rear his sarcastic negative ugly head inside of me and trying to beat me down.  I sometimes think "As if life is not hard enough as it is, without that voice in my head (who's name is Ego) telling me I am not: good enough, pretty enough, strong enough, smart enough...... blah blah blah".  Then I think, "hey screw you Ego, I am good, strong, smart and pretty enough." I do not have to buy into your negative attitude, I can and am freeing my positive blissy self from the prison my Ego has tried to keep it in all my life and I am believing in the positive reality I am creating for myself.  

Affirmation for today:
I am living with optimism and bliss. 

Love and Light

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Forward Movement??


Or maybe it is forgetful. 

It can be a side effect of opening yourself and raising your vibration when you are developing your intuitive abilities. I have been doing my best to figure out how to deal with it. I have always been a great 'organizer' however lately I have been a bit unorganized and scattered. Or at least I feel as if I am not doing what I need to do to 'develop' my intuitive skills. As with anything new repetition is the key. Meditating EVERY day to get in the 'habit' is hard. Writing in my journal EVERY day is difficult because some days I do not know what to write. Often I record my dreams as I am a vivid dreamer, occasionally I write down meditations and messages I get from my tarot cards and rarely I write down random synchronicities or messages I notice during the day.  As with everything I started out trying really hard to meditate every day. Slowly over the weeks I went to 5, 4, 3, 2 days a week. I am going to say it is because our house is so small and noise bothers me and makes it hard to meditate so I get frustrated. However I think perhaps it is the fact that I am not sure what I am gaining by meditating every day. I think I should be getting insight and messages from my spirit guides and guardian angels however I do not always get anything. In thinking about it I think that is what I am supposed to achieve in meditating, nothingness. If that is the case I am doing fabulous at it.  I know I want a 'mentor' to help me stay on track and encourage me with my development, kind of like the Jenny Craig mentor you see every week that tells you 'you are doing fabulous keep up the good work' and to give me helpful advice on how to proceed. I have put out the intention for this mentor to come into my life and I am sure in time they will come. Patience little sprout patience. 

I want the change and learning to be quicker than it is sometimes. The even road where you stay the same is kind of like the plateau when you are on a diet, discouraging. I know that my guides are with me at all times, guiding me and supporting me. I am not going to have great epiphanies every day, some days will just be........ boring, as my guides gently steer me in the right direction. Good thing they are patient, forgiving, understanding and kind because somedays I can frustrate even myself with my willy nilly misdirection. 

I do know that I am working on my intuitive self daily. Everyday I make a conscious effort to be aware of how my ego is encouraging me to be, offended, or mean, or upset, or angry. Everyday I gently push my ego back and sooth it telling it, 'it is okay I got this I do not need to be mean, rude, angry or upset. I do not need to worry and fear the future it is not here yet.' I am slowly making tiny forward movements in the taming of my volatile ego. Every teeny tiny step is progress. Everyday I do my affirmations and make a conscious effort to be a beautiful loving being inside and out. This is the best thing I can do for myself, learning, meditations, dream analyzation, crystal use aside. Because without the taming of my volatile ego the expansion of my true spiritual self would not be possible at all. 

Affirmation for the day:
Today I am going to enjoy the forward movement of my life moment by moment. I am going to gently guide my poor scared ego back into the quiet room of my mind. I am going to enjoying the forward movements of learning to love myself and my life!

One thing it is good to remember is that most days we do not see the grand scheme for our lives we just need to trust and love ourselves and know we are in the place we need to be now at this moment of our life. 

Love and Light

Monday, May 5, 2014

Understanding Me the 'INFJ' Enigma

I did the Jung personality test on myself yesterday and then did it again on a different web site and both times I got INFJ "Strength of individual traits: Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging, Turbulent".  From what I have researched (I am an obsessive researcher which I notice is a trait of the INFJ personality type) that only 1%-3% of people in the world are INFJ's. So it is no wonder people do not 'get' me and even I often do not 'get' me.

I am and always have been an enigma (a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand) even to myself.

True to INFJ personality, I was super introverted as a child I was terrified to go anywhere by myself without someone with me to 'protect' me. Perhaps part of this comes from me also being an intuitive/empath and not realizing and therefore not understanding this and as a result not being able to control or block the energy of others around me. Of course as a natural progression in order to protect ourselves, we grow and learn as we get older and I have 'trained' myself how to be okay being around people I do not know and going into unfamiliar places, I can go out by myself and take care of what needs to be taken care of without needing to have someone 'hold my hand'.  However even after 50 years of life and 35 years of personal conditioning and training I still have that little bit of panic inside whenever I have to do something without someone by my side to 'protect' me. Protect me from what? I am not exactly sure, I can not articulate it to myself so therefore can not articulate it to you, however if you feel it too you know what I mean. Perhaps it is that I can naturally 'draw' the familiar energy of the person I am with around myself, thus protecting myself from being overwhelmed by the energy of those I do not know and am unfamiliar with.

This personality type can be seen as an extroverted due to their warm and caring nature.
I do love people, however I like to be around people under my own terms and conditions. When I am working at my business which I own and am comfortable in I have no problem interacting with people I do not know, who come in to speak with me.  If I have to go somewhere I have never been where I will not know anyone I am very shy, much quieter and reserved. I would rather go somewhere familiar than anywhere new, be it a public or private place, a restaurant, a store, a persons home,  I have never gone to before.  I still have to 'force' myself to go into places I have never been before. Over time these places and people become familiar and it gets easier to go back the more times I go. Couple my natural tendency to be introverted with overwhelming intuition and empathic feeling, and I begin to understand why I have the difficulty I have in relating and being comfortable in the world.

I have not always been able to understand how my strong empathic and intuitive feelings effect me.  Now that I have taken proactive forward steps to understand empathy and intuition I wonder why I did not do it sooner.  I look back at the 50 years that have passed and think that this point in my life can easily be only the mid point of my life here and when I look to the future and the next 50 years, I am excited to think of all I can accomplish and the spiritual growth I will be able to make in this time.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Symbols of the voice in my head. Fact or fiction.

Written and spoken and language can be the bane of our existence.  I communicate to you the voice in my head by using the symbols I have learned that we are both programmed to understand. This can be very limiting if I am in a place where the symbols they have learned to communicate do match the symbols I have learned to communicate with.

We are taught how to speak words to tell each other what is in the personal world of our mind. We are taught language a symbolism of spoken and written letters to share with those around us what is in our minds. We are taught the meaning of each word and each symbol and each sound. We are also learn to associate a feelings with these words and symbols. We learn about good and bad, beautiful and ugly, love and hate,  according to the people in our lives we are learning from. Is everything we say with this language we learn to each other the absolute truth? No. When it comes to written and spoken communication it only has meaning if we understand it and agree to the meaning of it as it has been taught to us. Language is something we rely on and need to make it easier to convey the complicated world of our minds to others and for them to share with us what is going on in their mind,  no two people have the same mind and no two people live in the same head space.

I love to write. Sometimes my writing has gotten me into trouble, sometimes it has helped me out. It has soothed my broken soul on more than one occasion. I also love to speak sometimes I get verbal diarrhea unable to find the shut off valve, and other times I should open my mouth and speak and the door is shut and locked and I can not find the key.

So we communicate. It is inherent in our soul to share our own individual worlds with each other.

Communication is not only about the spoken and written word, it is about what we sense without the symbols of language. The truest form of communication is the communication that comes without words.  It is what we see, feel, hear and smell. I see a car you do not have to explain it to me, it is what it is, I may not understand it the same way you do but it is what it is a solid object I can see. The object is truth it is what it is. I can feel your energy you do not have to tell me what kind of a day you are having I just know. You communicate with me with energy. I hear your words and often they do not match your energy.  Energy is truth. I can hear the infliction of your words, whatever the words may be I can hear the energy of your words.

Words are not always truth. When I speak to you, you do not know whether what I speak is my truth or not my truth. We can hide behind words. Words can be empty. 'How are you today? ....... Fine.' Empty. We can trick others into believe something that is not true with language. We can create chaos and hate and fear and hurt and sadness with words. We can also create beauty and love and joy and comfort with words. Language is a powerful thing, however it is not always truthful.

Words can be empty, untruthful and deceiving. As long as you are alive your energy will never be empty, untruthful or deceiving.  Your energy can not lie, it is the truth of your being. The symbols I use to communicate to you what the voice in my head is saying are not always truthful. No matter how hard I may try they are subject to your personal beliefs and feelings. When we learn to believe in the truth of our energy we will be able to create a more beautiful world.